We Want the Same Thing
by sensanity
Summary: Oneshot. What if Charles had gone with Erik instead, after Erik got him shot? Angst, that's what. Charles Xavier/Erik Lehnsherr.


AN: Today I did a stupid thing and thought, _What if Charles had gone with Erik after he shot him?_ And then this happened and yeah. I'm sorry. ;n;

Warning: serious angst. Also, I don't own X-Men! (you don't say?)

* * *

><p><em>I want you by my side.<em>

_We're brothers, you and I._

_All of us, together, protecting each other. _

**_We want the same thing._**

A great many things passed through my mind as my best friend (or more than that?) in the world uttered those words, as he held me in his arms. I looked at him, saw the pain etched in his broken smile, his pleading gaze. Remembered the day we'd met, when I had calmed him, had saved his life, back when he actually listened to what I said. Going to find the mutants, gathering them together. Moving the satellite dish. The beautiful memory of his birthday, with his mother, that I'd witnessed - I knew there was good in Erik, somewhere. It was just buried under all of the hate, I was convinced of it. I could bring it out. I almost had. It was just a little bit too soon. Given some more time, I knew I would succeed. I would make Erik see, make him understand.

I would help him to trust again. Not just mutants, either, but people, too. I had faith.

I thought briefly about what it would be like if I told him no - if I was strong enough to explain to Erik that what we wanted was, in fact, very different. If Erik left right then, and we became enemies, both trying to determine the other's next move, to stay one step ahead. Would Erik really go after the humans? Did he have that much anger in him?

I was almost sure, then, that he most certainly did.

"...Alright," I breathed, the pain from the bullet wound nearly causing me to pass out as I said it. "Let's go."

I would not leave Erik alone. I couldn't allow him to hurt anyone else, and I knew, if I could just have a little more _time_, that I could get through to Erik. I _would_ get through to him. Or humanity was doomed.

There was a churning in my gut as I told him I would follow him. I had no idea what I was agreeing to, if I was doing the right thing. All I knew was that when I thought about continuing on, helping mutants, trying to keep the peace between the two races, without Erik -

It made my chest and stomach twist and ache in awful ways, ways I couldn't handle. Ways that didn't bear thinking about.

So I agreed, and then I promptly passed out.

* * *

><p>I woke up in a white room - I thought it was a hospital, at first, until I remembered the beach and the missiles and considered that I didn't know a single hospital that would be mutant-friendly.<p>

I wasn't sure what time it was, or even what day, and to be completely honest, I really didn't care. All I knew was that Erik was seated in a chair in the corner, chin perched on his knuckles, snoring softly. It was one of the few times since then when his brow wasn't furrowed in concentration and rage, when he actually looked… peaceful. And I knew, when I saw him, that he'd been there the whole time, hadn't left my side once since the beach and the bullet and the _pain_.

And at the time, that was all that mattered.

* * *

><p>"Erik, we <em>can't.<em>"

"We have to, Charles, there's no other option!"

"Do you _want_ to start a war, Erik? Because that's what this will mean. If we build weapons of any sort... what's the point? We want to create trust and understanding, not fear! Did you learn nothing from the Cuban Missile Crisis? You were _there_, for Chrissakes!"

"Charles, we need to be able to defend ourselves! If we don't do this now, they're going to wipe us out. You know that as soon as they have a chance, they'll take it. The only thing protecting us right now is that they _don't know where we are_. What happens when they find out? We let them slaughter us like pigs?"

Many arguments would go very much like this. Erik would get an idea - a crazy idea, a scheme, some way to stay ahead, to one-up the humans. They were always just "the humans." No names, no titles, no distinction. One solid mass; a mob of mutant-haters.

I wonder if he realizes he doesn't even see them as people anymore.

I try to stop him, every time. We always have a huge argument, with yelling, fighting, the whole bit.

There would probably be a fair amount of punching and various other assortments of physical violence, if I wasn't confined to a wheelchair.

But then Erik would calm down, would get this sad look on his face, tell me there was nothing I could do to stop him. And in that moment, it would be completely, utterly true. And then he would kiss me, and I would give in, because it's that or lose him forever and I'm not ready to lose him I can't lose him I won't. Not yet. I'll keep trying. Just a little more.

And I want to stop him. I want with every fiber of my being... Every part of me aches to make him see that there are people on our side, people who understand. Not everyone is like Shaw and the government that turned on us. There are Moiras and government officials that would help us, would see mutants and humans living together, as equals. A little bit of me dies with every argument I lose, but I can't go chasing after him, not like this, not in this _goddamned_ chair, and Erik always was so determined.

So he goes, but then he comes back, and I do nothing, but I always think, _next time, next time I'll convince him, I know I can convince him I just need more time._

But there's never enough.

* * *

><p>Eventually, one of Erik's ideas proves to be the fatal one.<p>

I watched it all happen from my damned house, trapped. Huge and empty, as everyone was out with Erik, doing stupid things that I've been trying to imagine ways I could've prevented them from doing. As always. Because I can't do anything anymore.

So I sit here, in my chair, watching the news, hoping that Erik doesn't succeed. Because if he does, there will be no hope for peace, not ever.

And usually, usually there's something. A phone call, a false piece of information, something that proves critical. A snap decision made in a moment of insanity that averts disasters from happening.

But once, _one time_, I was too late.

And that was all it took.

* * *

><p>Sometimes I think back to that day, on the beach, and what would have happened if I hadn't come with Erik. Would he have been able to do all these horrible things to the world if I hadn't been here, alongside him? Would I have been able to stop him? Would I <em>hate<em> everything that I'd become?

I wonder what I would have done, if I hadn't come with Erik. If I would've joined the government again, or created a secret army of mutants to oppose Erik, to stop him from doing what he's managed to do. Did I have it in me, to be on opposite sides of the battlefield like that?

If I could've stopped him, in the end. If there was a chance I could've succeeded, even confined to a fucking chair. If I could've saved the world.

If instead, when he'd told me,

_We want the same thing,_

I'd replied,

_Oh, my friend. I'm sorry... but we do not._


End file.
